The G-Zone
The G-Zone, epicenter of the Scene, royal court of the Geeks, and the personal fiefdom of one Farmer Ted, the King of the Geeks. (I’d tell you where he gets the name, but they’ve banned that film too, so you’ll just have to wonder.)
The G-Zone is three floors of 1980s goodness. Each level is characterized by different lighting, different music, and different clienteles. The main floor is strictly New Wave, New Romantic, and 80s dance music. It’s sleek and modern, with white walls and shiny surfaces; stretched gauze fabrics and abstract sculptures; a mile long bar; and all of it bathed in swathes of pastel colored light. It’s South Beach, SoHo and Hollywood all mixed together; paradise on earth.
But what’s paradise without angels? The dancers — the G-Girls — oh my god. They dance on the bar, right above you, so while you’re drinking and partying and carrying on, they’re slinking and slithering and shimmying in bikinis and silk and lace and platform heels. It’s mesmerizing. They’re the crème-de-la crème of the Scene and the G-Zone is their home turf, so the main floor is always packed.
The second level is all Post-Punk, Goth, and Industrial music. It’s almost like a negative of the first floor: same overall style, but the colors are completely different. Midnight blues and purples, blacks, grays, and silvers; periodic bursts of strobe lighting. It’s my favorite music: Siouxsie and the Banshees, Wire, Bauhaus… I go into trances when I hang out up there and listen to that stuff.
The third floor is all 1980s and early 90s Rap and Hip-Hop. Unfortunately, we don’t have any black kids in the Cult — there are no black kids in any of the Cells, since there are no black people anywhere anymore — but Farmer Ted keeps their spirit alive on the third floor. It’s also the place he tends to hang out himself. He’s got girls in hot pants and tube tops dancing — calls them his “Fly Girls” — and he loves to groove out to Run DMC, Public Enemy, and Wu Tang Clan. It’s also where he takes all of his important meetings, keeps his computers and files, and the bartender is his personal bodyguard. There’s even a contingent of Infiltrators who work exclusively for Farmer Ted and hang out up there — girls who are into Hip Hop and Kung Fu — and sometimes they do martial arts exhibitions on the dance floor. Anyway, the point is that the third floor is the nerve center, not just of the G-Zone but of the entire Geek empire.
But right now it’s the the incredible first floor, and Farmer Ted is standing at the bar, casually cool — immaculate sweatshirt, jeans and high-top sneakers, hair carefully and perfectly done — with his arms spread wide and a glass of Cristal in hand, waiting to receive me. You see, even though Ted’s not in the Army and doesn’t have to take word one from me, he pays me the respect of leadership and treats me like a dignitary, because he’s a fucking pro, and he knows how to play the game.
Farmer Ted: Claire Standish! Where have you been for the last month?!
Claire: Duly chastised, Farmer Ted. I’ve been brooding. So I came straight here; figured you could help.
Farmer Ted: You’re wise coming to me Claire, because I am the anti-brood. It is physically impossible to brood in my presence. One step up to my bar — you’ll notice that its glowing — and any thought of brooding will simply disappear.
Claire: That might have something to do with the fact that you’ve got a half-dozen, barely dressed girls wiggling their asses all over it.
Farmer Ted: It’s a fair point.
Bobby: Ted.
Farmer Ted: Bobby! My man! Welcome! Mi casa es su casa.
Bobby: I’m counting on you to get this girl good and liquored up. She’s been preoccupied and morbid for weeks.
Farmer Ted: You got it. Let’s do this properly — a toast — here you go, Bobby, Claire… Girls, stop for a minute and come and toast our leader’s good health. Okay, so, Claire.
Claire: Farmer Ted.
Farmer Ted: You are my inspiration, my conscience, and my hope. I’ve learned a lot from you. Happy Birthday and many, many more! Salut!
Claire, Bobby, and G-Girls: Salut!
Farmer Ted: Donnie! Another bottle! Shake it girls! Woohoo!
Claire: You really shouldn’t have gone to all this trouble.
Farmer Ted: Now that we have all the formalities out of the way, when are your people gonna’ stop hassling my smugglers?
Claire: Ted!!
Farmer Ted: Sorry. Just thought I might remind you WHERE THE FUCKING CRISTAL COMES FROM! Woohoo! Salut!
All: Salut!
Claire: But seriously, Ted, I appreciate what you said, and I feel the same way. Shit, I’ve learned way more from you than you’ve learned from me.
Farmer Ted: Claire, I’m always on your side, even if you don’t realize it sometimes.
Claire: It’s hard to trust people, and sometimes you and your boys do things that scare me.
Farmer Ted: We’ll talk about this more later, but I’ve been thinking we should merge our organizations. If you knew what was going on from the inside, you wouldn’t be scared. I’m pretty conservative, and I calculate my risks — I mean, actually calculate them, mathematically — every time I set out on a new venture. I don’t do crazy stuff. I just make it look crazy, you know? I learned that from Christopher Lloyd. You gotta’ watch his movies and TV shows from back in the day. He can make walking across a room look crazy. Anyway, it keeps up the mystique, you know? Makes the Geeks look like miracle workers, since we don’t look so great in the cold harsh light of reality.
Claire: Oh, Ted…
Farmer Ted: I mean it Claire: you and me; partners in this, ok?
Claire: You don’t know how happy that makes me. You guys make the Scene happen, and it’s the heart and soul of the Rebellion. The idea of re-creating down here the life that we can’t have anymore up there was a stroke of genius, so I want you guys in with me, helping keep this amazing thing we have going.
Farmer Ted: Hear, hear! Salut!
Claire: I mean, can you imagine if your people join forces with mine? The intelligence?! The loot?!
Farmer Ted: I’m getting excited.
Bobby: Should I get you two a room or something?
Farmer Ted: Nah, I’m just juiced about working with Claire. Salut!
Claire and Bobby: Salut!
Farmer Ted: The Cristal’s getting a little cloying. I think a nice Bombay and Tonic would do everyone a world of good. Donnie! B&T’s! And here, try this — wait, let me light it — turns out one of my boys is a genius botanist. It’s the best weed you’ll ever smoke.
Bobby: Fan-fucking-tastic.
Claire: Ooh, yes! Wiggly dancers look even better stoned.
Bobby: I think she’s relaxing.
Farmer Ted: See? I told you! Ah, here are the Bombay and Tonics. Cheers everyone!
Everyone: Cheers!
Claire: Holy shit, Ted, this is amazing weed.
Farmer Ted: I know, right? I’ve been smoking that stuff while doing statistical analyses and listening to Wu-Tang Clan. Fucking trippy.
Bobby: Raps just came in.
Claire: Oh, shit. Is Nina here? I haven’t seen her.
Farmer Ted: She’s coming on in a minute. There’s a special spot for her over there on the riser. It’ll be when Blondie’s Do the Dark comes on. Wait for it…
Claire: Oh my God, there she is! Mile long legs and a mini. Wow!!
Farmer Ted: She’s an angel. Just showed up one day a month or two ago and said she wanted to dance; that she’d do it for free, if I’d give her a chance. I have to say, I wasn’t too sure… dressed normally, she looked kinda’ plain. But when she came out for the audition? Whoa! And she’s just about the coolest chick ever. I mean, no attitude at all, doesn’t play power games with the other girls, laughs at all my stupid jokes. She’s my biggest draw by far. I need a freaking truck to haul off all the flowers that get sent to her dressing room.
Claire: I’m not surprised. She’s absolutely stunning.
Bobby: Raps is going over to the stage.
Claire: I can’t look. What if she blows him off?
Bobby: She won’t, Claire. Nina isn’t some Scene player.
Claire: I know, it’s just that she’s so gorgeous and Raps is so, well, dweeby. You know I love him, Bobby, but sometimes I think he’s a middle aged accountant or something.
Bobby: He’s quiet and humble, for sure Claire, but I don’t know…that might be appealing to a girl like Nina. I think she’s a homebody at heart, and dancing’s just a release for her; a naughty thrill. She gets to play a persona for a while, in a safe place.
Claire: Jeez, how do you know so much about her Bobby? Are you in the Nina fan club or something?
Bobby: Aren’t you? Look at her.
Claire: Uh, ya!
Bobby: Seriously, though, I hang out with Margaret a lot. You know I’ve been working in the kitchens, trying to learn how to cook.
Claire: And I love you for it. Guys who cook are hot.
Bobby: Anyway, Nina comes in to help, and I’ve talked with her quite a bit. Give me that joint, I’ll light it again.
Claire: She’s going over to the side of the stage where Raps is standing.
Farmer Ted: I’m riveted. If he gets that girl, it’ll force me to rethink the basic principles of logic.
Claire: Be nice,Ted!
Bobby: Well, well, Raps just said something to her and she kicked off her boots and crouched down in front of him. You were saying, Claire? “Dweeby” was it?
Claire: Holy shit, she’s kissing him! Cigarette, Bobby! I’m about to chew my fingernails off.
Farmer Ted: She just hopped down off the stage and sat on his lap. Now they’re making out. That’s it. Do you two know of any monasteries around here?
Claire: Can this night get any better? I’m so relieved. Can I yell “Whoo Hoo! Raps!”?
Bobby: I wouldn’t. So, what sort of monastery are you looking for Ted? Jesuit? Cistercian?
Farmer Ted: Oh, I’m staying. It just hurts watching the social order crumble like that.
Claire: She’s going off the stage and heading to the back.
Farmer Ted: Going to her dressing room to change. She doesn’t walk around the bar in her dancing gear like the other girls do. Probably a good thing too. I’d have a horny riot on my hands.
Claire: Raps is coming over here. What do I say?
Bobby: Don’t embarrass the poor kid, he’s just scored a coup.
Farmer Ted: Embarrass him? The guy’s just taken over the Scene. I should become the fucking accountant.
Raps: Hey everybody! Claire! Happy Birthday!
Claire: Woo Hoo, Raps!
Bobby: You’re unbelievable.
Claire: I couldn’t help it…I’m too excited.
Raps: Yeah, I know. It was tense there for a minute. I felt like I was going to throw up.
Farmer Ted: Well there’s a pickup strategy.
Claire: Ted!
Farmer Ted: Sorry. I’ll go be bitter over here.
Raps: Don’t move, Ted! I’m buying you a drink!
Farmer Ted: No, I’m buying you one. Donnie! A B&T for Raps. You know, now that I’m thinking about it, just give him the whole bar.
Claire: Ted’s traumatized, Raps. You’ve upset the social order.
Raps: Sorry.
Bobby: So, what’s she doing?
Raps: Changing and then she’s gonna’ come and hang out with us.
Claire: Yay!
Farmer Ted: Why don’t you guys go commandeer those couches over there. I’ll give Donnie instructions to keep the drinks coming, and wait — here — take two more of those joints.
Claire: Ted, you are the King.
Farmer Ted: I’ve got some things to do upstairs, so I’m gonna’ send two of my captains over to take care of you guys. Claire, you know one of them — Billy H — he used to be in the Army.
Claire: Know him? He was my best sapper until you stole him.
Farmer Ted: I pay better. When you’re done, come up and see me. We can finish our conversation from before, okay?
Claire: I will, Ted. And thanks so much.
Farmer Ted: You know it, baby. Bobby, Raps, you’re all welcome. And everything’s on the house! Cheers!
All: Cheers!
Raps: Here comes Nina.
It’s hard to believe that the girl coming towards our table is the same one I just saw up on the riser. No mini-dress. No red lipstick. Just a girl in an oversized sweatshirt, leggings, and Chuck Taylors with barrettes in her hair. But somehow, she’s even more beautiful now then when she was dancing. I totally get Raps’ crush. This is a girl you want to spend time with, whose smiles and laughter are real and not calculated, and whose beauty is the kind that’s there even when she’s just woken up. This is someone you marry.
Nina: Hey peeps. Happy Birthday, Claire! What’s shaking?
Claire: You are. Holy crap, Nina, you’re an amazing dancer.
Bobby: Tongue-on-the floor stuff, Nina. Fantastic.
Nina: Thanks! It’s still a little embarrassing… I always take a few shots of vodka and chain smoke beforehand. Speaking of which…
Claire: Bombay and tonics tonight, Nin. Farmer Ted sent one over for you. Unless you want Cristal? We were drinking that earlier. I’m sure I could get a bottle for you.
Nina: No, Bombay and tonic is great. Champagne makes me sick.
Claire: Bobby, give her one of your cigarettes, and pass her a joint.
Nina: Drink and cigarette first, settle in, then smoke cheeba.
Claire: First I heard of you dancing here was from Raps a few hours ago, and Ted said you just walked in one day.
Nina: Yeah, I’ve been dying to do this ever since I first came here and saw the G-Girls, but I couldn’t work up the courage until a few months ago.
Claire: Why did you want to do it?
Nina: Well, I’ve always been nerdy and frumpy, but I’ve also always been into glamour. I love my comfy clothes and being the kind of girl who can just get up in the morning and go about my business, without hours of preparation. But at the same time, a part of me craves manicures, facials, designer clothes, salon-styled hair, the whole deal. I’ve been happy to sit at home with Margaret on weekends, but I also dream about being an Infiltrator like Gwen. I just don’t have the guts. Plus, Margaret would have a stroke — she’s really protective — so, go-go dancing is a kind of outlet. It’s as far as I’m gonna’ take my inner hot-chick.
Raps: Here’s to nerdy girls and their inner-hot chicks!
Bobby: Cheers!
All: Cheers!
Nina: Okay, I’m settled. Joint time.
Claire: Here you go. It’ll make you feel like you’ve been shot out of a cannon. Apparently, Ted has found himself a Doctor of Botany.
Nina: I know the guy. He’s one of my biggest fans; throws joints instead of money. He’s a sweetie, and it’s killer cheeba.
Raps: I can’t smoke that stuff. It makes me freak out and break into sweats.
Nina: I’m going to make you freak out and break into sweats, when we go back to your place later.
Raps: Totally. Wait, we’re going back to my place?
Nina: Mm hmm.. In fact, why don’t we go over to that booth over there and discuss it?
Raps: But…
Claire: Go with her, Raps. Don’t be a crazy person.
Raps: But, it’s your birthday, Claire!
Bobby: Go and make merry! That’s an order. We’ll be at the Land of Turquoise and Pink later, so you can catch us on the backside.
Raps: Well, okay. Happy Birthday, Claire!
Claire: Thanks, Raps! Come here and hug me. Mmm, I love you so much. Now go have fun you two!
Nina: We will! See you guys later!
Bobby: Here come the capos, Claire. I wonder what Ted’s up to.
Claire: ‘Dunno, but I’ve never heard him talk like he did before, have you?
Bobby: Never. I have to admit, I was totally blown away. I’ve never seen him that intimate. Usually it’s all face-man, all the time. I was only half-joking when I asked if I should get you two a room. For a second, I thought he was hitting on you.
Claire: No, definitely not, which means something’s up; something big.
Bobby: Well, you’ll find out soon enough. He summoned you up to the third floor after “we’re done.”
Claire: Hmm. I don’t know if I can wait that long. I’m going to try and get something out of Heckle and Jeckle here.
Billy: Hey you two! What’s happening? Happy Birthday Claire!
Claire: Well hello Billy, you fucking deserter.
Billy: Umbadegonderes. I had a good reason.
Claire: And what was that?
Billy: The money, of course.
Claire: You said a good reason.
Billy: Is there a better one?
Bobby: Spoken like a true Geek. Is there some capitalist breeding facility somewhere, where they get you people from?
Billy: Very nice, hey, this is my partner in crime, Jimmy. Jimmy, this is Bobby Richstone and of course, Claire Standish.
Jimmy: Claire, it’s an honor to finally meet you in person. Bobby.
Bobby: Have a seat boys. The drinks are free and the weed is…well, you try it.
Billy: Don’t mind if I do. Aralacarala! That’s fresh! It’s like smoking someone’s lawn.
Jimmy: Well don’t fucking bogart it, man, hand it over. Fuck, you’re right, it is fresh. I feel like I just inhaled a hedge.
Bobby: So to what do we owe this pleasure?
Billy: Ted didn’t want you to think he was ditching you. You know him, he takes diplomacy very seriously.
Bobby: And this urgent business Ted’s got upstairs?
Billy: Nobaramba. Need to know and we don’t. But I doubt it’s anything, really. He takes his work even more seriously than his diplomacy. There’s always something to do when you control as much as Ted does.
Claire: I know. The guy works more than any of us. Sometimes it doesn’t seem possible. It’s like he’s Superman or something. I mean, he pretty much runs the entire Scene — he’s the Cult’s primary supplier of goods — and he oversees the STEALTH techs and hackers for the entire SoCal Rebellion.
Bobby: Holy shit, that’s fucking insane.
Billy: Well, he does have over a hundred people working for him.
Bobby: What?!
Claire: That certainly explains a few things.
Billy: Acarulo! He is the Magic Man, after all.
Bobby: Humph. Magic Man…he’s fucking Caesar.
Claire: Enough shop talk. This is supposed to be my birthday party.
Billy: Abso-fucking-lutely. Donnie! We need more B & T’s here! And a round of shots too! Chilled Stolichnaya work for you guys?
Claire: Yes, please!
Bobby: Sounds great, thanks!
Billy: Chilled Stolichnaya for the shots, Donnie!
Jimmy: Joint’s out. Should I re-light it?
Claire: Only for yourself. If I smoke any more right now, I won’t be able to speak.
Bobby: I’m cool.
Billy: I’m good too. Ted doesn’t want me too wrecked when I’m watching the place for him.
Claire: So what have you been doing for Ted, Billy?
Billy: He has me working on STEALTH mostly. In fact, he wants me to take it over. He’s trying to focus on commercial operations. It’s another reason he wanted me to come over here and hang out with you two. I’m going to be your go-to guy on anything STEALTH-related next year.
Claire: That’s awesome. It’ll be like old times.
Billy: And we’ll also have an entirely new system up.
Bobby: Ted has been busy.
Billy: The idea is to have a lot more of it be remote. Instead of extending fields over huge areas like we do now, everyone who goes out will carry a mobile unit that’ll create its own field when triggered by a signal sent out from HQ. It’ll mean no holes. What happened to Johnny Street will never happen again. Here are the shots, guys. Thanks Donnie.
Bobby: To Johnny Street.
Claire: To Johnny, my beautiful boy. I miss you.
All: Johnny!
Billy: Yeah, that hit Ted really hard. He was already working on next-gen STEALTH, but after that happened, he swore he’d have it up by New Year’s. I don’t think he’s slept since.
Claire: I don’t know what to say. You guys just keep saving our lives over and over again.
Bobby: Word. Seriously.
Billy: It’s what we do, Claire. Always has been.
Claire: Since before the Scene even.
Bobby: Before the Scene?
Claire: Don’t you know the story?
Bobby: I don’t think I do. Remember, I’ve only been here two years. Before that, I was in PS242. There’s still a lot about the Scene and the Rebellion that I don’t know.
Claire: Hmm, that’s right. I always forget that you’re kind of a newbie. It’s just that you rose through the ranks so quickly, and I can’t imagine the Rebellion without you in it.
Bobby: So, the G-Boys were around before the Scene?
Claire: Well, not the G-Boys strictly speaking — there weren’t any G-Boys yet — but yeah, the Geeks were at the heart of the Rebellion from the very beginning.
Bobby: Go on.
Claire: Billy, correct me if I get any of this wrong.
Billy: Will do.
Claire: The Culling and Curfew started nine years ago, right?
Bobby: That much I know.
Claire: Well, at that time, there was no Scene. Even the proto-Scene didn’t exist yet. Kids and teens were locked in their homes at night and being sent to sex-segregated schools during the day. Those that weren’t in prison.
Bobby: Right.
Claire: That’s when the Geeks set up the first SUBNet. But because there was no organized Rebellion yet — and no infrastructure — they ran it on the commercial servers, behind a bunch of false lobbies. Basically, it was a network of chatrooms with video feeds. People posted manifestoes on it, ran strategy sessions, threw parties, had sex… They created a virtual Scene.
Bobby: So, what happened?
Claire: Pretty much what you’d expect. Tens of thousands of SoCal teenagers, having virtual parties and camfucking online, all at once? It crashed the internet across LA County for three days.
Bobby: Holy shit, that was you guys?
Claire: Not me. Before my time. We’re talking First Generation.
Bobby: Ah, of course.
Claire: Well, the hammer came down really hard after that, and not just the LAPD. The Feds got in on it too: “Interstate Commerce” or some bullshit like that. Remember, at that point, Pike and his gang were already in the Senate. The Restoration is their baby.
Bobby: And that’s when kids starting running away from home en masse.
Claire: Right. It was bad enough that the cops were locking kids up left and right and that they could never be with each other, in the flesh, but once it devolved to the point that they couldn’t see or hear or talk to each other, even virtually, well, that was it. It’s when the Rebellion really started. But, it had its roots in those early days of the virtual Scene, though it wasn’t called that back then.
Bobby: Amazing.
Claire: So, now the Rebellion exists. The kids have gone Underground, formed cells, the whole shebang.
Bobby: Right.
Claire: That’s when the proto-Scene gets created. The Geeks created these amazing living spaces and themed nightclubs in abandoned sections of town, and designed them so that they’d be invisible from the outside and so that they could be moved and rebuilt somewhere else at a moment’s notice.
Bobby: So, how’s that different from today?
Billy: No STEALTH, man.
Claire: Yeah, these sites were physically hidden, just like they are now, but there were no electronic defenses of any kind. So, any cop in the area with heat sensing equipment or radar would find the HQ and Scene spots immediately. And if you were going from one place to another on foot? Huge risk.
Billy: Although by then, the G-Boys had hacked into ONNet and set up their own private servers for SUBNet.
Claire: Yeah, they had plenty of intelligence and communications, so they’d often know in advance when shit was going down and could warn people, but still, they got Swept constantly. I mean, that’s why the first Claire Standish only lasted six months.
Bobby: Jeez, they had a lot of fucking nerve.
Jimmy: Truth.
Claire: It’s why we have so much respect for the Righteous Adults and formed the Executive Councils. They risked their lives to create this world for us.
Bobby: So, what about STEALTH?
Claire: Well, that brings us almost to the present and to Farmer Ted.
Bobby: What do you mean?
Billy: He invented it, dude.
Bobby: Holy fucking shit!
Claire: Yeah. Ted wasn’t a computer kid like most of the Geeks. He was into electronics: radios, televisions, microwaves, stuff like that. He said he got the idea for STEALTH, when he was on an airplane one time as a little kid, and the announcement came over the loudspeaker that everyone should turn off their electronics for landing. He asked his parents why, and they told him that the signals they put out could interfere with the plane’s radar and that it wouldn’t be able to see the runway. So, after that, he began experimenting, not just with jamming, but with putting out false signals; making it look on radar like something was there that wasn’t.
Billy: He told me that when he was seven years old, he made a device that turned every TV and radio station in his house into static.
Claire: I hadn’t heard that.
Bobby: So that’s why Ted’s such a fucking legend.
Claire: Well, ya! I mean, the guy singlehandedly created the Scene as we know it today. Well, not singlehandedly…he had and still has a lot of help. But it was his vision: the idea that you could perpetuate an Underground indefinitely, if you could just make it invisible to electronics. Tonight is living proof of it. Remember how I said I thought the Geeks deserved their perks? This is why.
Bobby: I take back every disparaging word I said. I had no idea.
Billy: Most people don’t. In that sense, Ted’s actually kind of modest. I know it sounds crazy, given how he acts, but he never goes around talking about that stuff or patting himself on the back. He’s a showoff, but not that kind of showoff. He’ll brag about a new girl he’s found or some high-end booze he managed to score, but never about his real accomplishments; never about the serious things he’s done.
Claire: Ted’s not embarrassed to be seen as a bad guy, only as a good guy.
Billy: Truth.
Claire: Guys, I think I’m gonna’ go upstairs and see him. Is that cool, Bobby?
Bobby: I’ve got booze, weed, and a bar full of hot dancers. I’ll manage.
Billy: It’s back to work for me…
Jimmy: Work. Right. Standing behind Donnie and doing shots.
Billy: Don’t be insubordinate!
Jimmy: How can I be insubordinate? We’re both Captains, dumbass.
Billy: I’ve been a Captain longer.
Bobby: These are the people who rule the world. The mind boggles. Have fun Claire, and find out what’s going on.
Claire: I will, baby. Have fun! Billy…Jimmy.
Billy and Jimmy: Later, Claire! Happy Birthday!
