–Arts and letters for the modern age–

Cathode Ray Zone

–Arts and Letters for the Modern Age–

The Varieties of Social Media Experience

by | Dec 30, 2023

Hearing how “exhausted” people are.

“I bet no one remembers X!” where X is something that easily 80 to 100 million people are well-acquainted with.

“Imagine X-ing, Y-ing, and Z-ing,” where X, Y, and Z are things most people (other than the writer) are fine with.

People “dying on this hill,” regarding things no one gives a crap about.

Receiving daily updates on the illnesses of people you don’t know.

Daily music polls in which the winner is always Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, or Rush.

“Friendly reminder…” followed by passive aggressive snark about things that are in fact controversial.

“Who else is this old?” featuring an item from just ten or twenty years ago.

“Have you ever X’d?” where X-ing is a common, ordinary activity, engaged in by millions of people every day.

“Good Morning!” posts with big-breasted women holding mugs of coffee.

Daily instructions from random strangers to “be kind” and exercise “self care.”

“This,” with a finger emoji pointing at some jackassery or another. 

Oracular pronouncements from people who never respond to anyone else.

Daily updates on the quality of people’s sleep (which is always poor).

Lots of humblebragging.

Lunatic conspiracy theories about this, that or the other.

Complete nobodies announcing what they will and will not tolerate.

People seething over the fact that other people are successful.

Cute pictures of cats.

Cute pictures of dogs.

“Who is this?” asked about a celebrity anyone over the age of 30 knows.

Expressions of outrage on behalf of people the poster doesn’t know and never will.

Incensed accusations against people the poster doesn’t know and never will.

“Fun Fact!” followed by whatever the poster is obsessing over; usually neither fun nor a fact.

People sharing with strangers the most intimate, devastating details about their lives.

Being “reminded” of all the marginalized, disadvantaged, disenfranchised, vulnerable people you aren’t giving adequate attention to; helping enough; speaking out on behalf of; “centering”; etc.

Posts asking, “Which one?” with pictures of the same four houses over and over again.

“Smash or Pass?” under which appears a photo of a grotesque six-patty cheeseburger or some other godawful food item.

“Pro-Tips” from people with no relevant expertise.

Being told how many books someone has read that year (always at least 100).

People saying that band X is “objectively better” than band Y.